Bookish and Black #56

[Editor’s note: I wrote this newsletter two weeks ago but felt so stressed, I was never able to swim above the constant tide of stress and anxiety to post. Finally posting today!]

I don't know why but over the past few weeks this newsletter has felt like an impossible task. Being a mother is the greatest joy I’ve ever experienced but it has also fully zapped my ability to create content and feel creative.

Part of this issue is the mental load of parenting (particularly in my heterosexual partnership, motherhood). I do have a partner who does his share of tasks both around the house and in regard to taking care of our kid. But it is also true that close to (if not 100%) of the mental load of taking care of said house and kid fall on me. And sometimes that feels like more work than the actual physical labor. It is also true that I am highly anxious and controlling and often suffer from the mentality of "if it can't be done my way, I don't want it done by anyone else". (What can I say- I'm the fun combination a stubborn Taurus and anxious enneagram 6). While I’ve come to accept that in order to feel grounded, I need to control a lot of parts of my life, that also means that I have a never ending to do list in my head. While sometimes I can easily manage it, lately everything seems overwhelming - from answering messages to writing this newsletter. But today I decided to write and offload some stress and it’s honestly work (go figure). 

I’m almost a year and a half into parenting, and am still balancing being a present parent and good at my job with prioritizing my own needs. This often looks like staying up until midnight just to have time to myself. I know that this stage isn’t forever and one day I’ll feel more inspired to create content. It really helps to remember that nothing is forever and for me, its worth it to give as much of my time to soaking in toddlerhood.

books, books, books:

I have been reading a fair amount lately! So far I’ve read 8 books in April. Which now that I type it out, I realize is a lot. Earlier in the month I read Moonrise Over Jessup, which is a newly released historical fiction novel that takes place at the start of the Civil Rights movement in an all Black town in Alabama. I also finished the story collection Everything Inside, which I thought was good enough but barely remember. I also read an ARC of the upcoming Christina Lauren novel, The True Love Experiment. I was apprehensive as their recent releases have really been hit or miss for me, but I loved this one! It’s the sequel to The Soulmate Equation (featuring the FMC’s best friend). I discovered the author Mimi Grace this month and promptly read her three books: Make a Scene, What a Match, and Along for the Ride. I can’t wait for her May release, Take a Hike. I also read the 6th Bergman Brother’s book, featuring the second sister, Ziggy. FINALLY, I also read Curtis Sittenfeld’s new novel, Romantic Comedy. She is an auto-buy for me but after the flop that was Rodham, I was nervous. But this book which follows a writer on a sketch comedy show (obviously supposed to be SNL) was SO GOOD. I could not put it down and finished it in one day (on a Sunday with my toddler running around- which should tell you how readable it is).

Life Lately:

My current hype fixation is this podcast- I cannot stop listening, it’s great to have in the background. I’ve spent the past few days consuming all the content I can about this wedding. I still don’t have tickets to this tour and I’m starting to worry I won’t get tickets (that aren’t $2,000).

xo,

Sarah

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